raise your glass
we have incorporated
place your bets
we're all so sick of waiting
queen takes jack
you got me this time but i'll get you back
so pick a number

to all the ones who tried the most
was i supposed to cheer your efforts
sorry that i chose so poorly
golly gee am i the poster girl

she's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places
the kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces
she's the kind of girl who only asks you over when it’s raining
just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling

lift your hats
off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs
they'd make an angels skin crawl
if you ask them for assistance
there's an even chance
you'll get a number

to all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masticate them
i've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient

to all the ones that hated me the most a toast
you really had me
going for a second i was nervous
boy am i the poster girl

she's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster
the kind who tells you she's bipolar just to make you trust her
she's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser
just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her

to all the ones that thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess
who was mine in ninety-nine i want last names and current status
to all the ones that hated me the most a toast
you really had me
going for a second i was nervous
boy am i the poster girl
for some suburban sickness
better keep a healthy distance
now it’s up to you know what to do
it's pretty dirty business